Attachment

Is it possible to want something or someone without placing the constricting bands of attachment on them and yourself?  How can we hold loosely?  As I have gotten older I have found that I want to be held loosely.  I no longer crave the crushing grip of a tight hold.  It doesn’t serve me anymore and I mean that in a physical and emotional sense.  If it’s to tight I will pull away instead of leaning in.

Does it mean it’s not love if you can look at the other person and say I will not allow attachment to govern my decisions so if you don’t choose me I will still be ok.  I feel like this makes the other person automatically think that you “don’t care enough”.  How can you not be hurt if I am not in your life?  “My life would be over if you were not in it” they will say.

I find that so unappealing.  Your life will be over?  Really?  I am the only good thing in your life?  You have nothing else?

Maybe it isn’t love or maybe its just a more mature kind of love.  Maybe I have not met the person that makes me feel as if my life would be over without them.  Honestly though I dont want that.  I love my life.  It is full and I am growing everyday.  I dont ever want anyone to have the power to come in and destroy all of that in one fell swoop.  I understand pain and hurt from the loss of a love but I dont understand total destruction.

I refuse to make someone my whole universe and I don’t want to be theirs.  I want a partner that has a beautiful full life that has nothing to do with me.  I want to know that they know how to be happy without me.  I want them to love that same thing about me.