I find it really interestesting to go back and read my old journals. It really helps me to see where I was and what I have improved upon and where I still need to do some work. Here is my entry from:
December 14, 2016
I have attachment issues? Yes that is a question. I might. I am on a journey. I want to stop focusing so much on happiness and move toward being fulfilled. Happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes. It isn’t something that stays 24 hours a day. Fulfillment though, that can happen.
I say yes a lot when I really mean no. I think this comes from being raised in a home with drinkers. When you are a child and you are also the fixer you become an adult people pleaser. At least I did. What if I started asking myself these two questions. Am I able to? Do I want to? It is ok for me to say no. I am learning.
I have to hold myself accountable for my own fulfillment and focus on what I want and need. I want to be one of those people that doesn’t speak badly to themselves. Talk to yourself like you would a child, they say. It sounds so easy. It is not, trust me. I will work on this.
My house is an absolute cluttered disaster . It’s messy and I can’t seem to keep it clean. Yes I have two kids still at home but they are older and it shouldn’t be like this. I want my home to be a haven for me. A place I want to be because it is so beautiful and relaxing. That sounds so amazing. I am working on this too.
So…that was Dec 14. Less then a year ago. A couple of things since this that have happened.
I am no longer talking badly or negatively to myself. I mean it happens unconsciously but I am so much more aware of this.
My cluttered house got a big make over this summer. I got rid of so many things. There is still a long way to go but I did make some really good progress!