Goliath

Goliath Must Fall by Louie Giglio Guys this book is just tremendous, stupendous and better than chocolate cake. I don’t know where to begin but if you are facing a giant in your life weather it be addiction or anger or anxiety or some other tormentor please read this book. It’s pure joy and love!Some notes I took:

  • It’s important to talk about your giant with a group of trusted people.. confess it don’t conceal it
  • We don’t have to fight with the giant.. Jesus is bigger than the giant
  • When you believe that Jesus is bigger than whatever your facing it will start to change you.
  • The giants can taunt us but Jesus always has the ultimate power

My giant has always been fear, anxiety and panic disorder. I have been fighting and battling it for so long and I know that it has kept me from being the person I am meant to be. It’s changing though and it’s all Jesus. I am praying and reading and learning and the more I do the closer he comes and the stronger I feel. Fear can not stand in the face of Jesus. I didn’t know this before but I do now and it changes everything!!

Advertisements

5 Things Wednesday

1.  Guys, how about if being flawed is wonderfully ok?  Isn’t that at an amazing thing to ponder?  I spend so much time looking at all the ways that I am not perfect but ignore all the wonderful things that I am and that I have accomplished.  I work my tooshy off being a single mom, owning a home, having a job and trying to navigate life.  It’s not easy.  I’m tired but I am also doing it.  It’s not perfect but it’s working out just fine.

2.  Also…do you ever beat yourself up for saying something really stupid?  I do.  Sometimes the craziest shit just spews right off the vocal cords.  I say it and then I am immediately like what the hell is wrong with you?  Where did that dumb shit come from?  Then….I will think about it for a really long time and at the most inappropriate times, like from 3-5am.  Not good.  Then this dawned on me.  Have I ever been around someone else that has had the same problem, where their vocal cords take control and something really dumb comes out?  Yes I have.  Guess what?  How long did I spend thinking about it?  About 15 seconds.  I don’t have time to be thinking about their accidental dumb thing said because I am too busy thinking about my own shit.  So if I am correct here then no one is thinking about the stupid thing I said 3 months ago because they are also thinking about their own shit.  This means that I can stop ruminating about these moments now.  No one cares.  Thank God.

3. Listen to your inner voice.  I hear this a lot.  I read this a lot.  I am not sure I trust my inner voice.  It changes its mind on a dime.  Very frustrating.  This feels right, do this, say this , go here ect…  The next day:  this doesn’t feel right, that was a bad idea, why did you do that?  I am not sure that I am hearing the right inner voice.  How do people know?  Is it my ego?  I can be very impulsive.  I think I have two inner voices, the impulsive one and the real one.  The impulsive one is a pain in my ass.

4. Examine what you tolerate.  I believe that I tolerate a lot.  I can put up with a lot of bullshit for a long time and then bam out of no where one day I will just be like.  DONE.  No warning or anything.  It’s over.  I am not doing this anymore.  This can be excruciating for the other person because they are so used to you being like, “oh, it’s ok that you that you treat me like a piece of shit.  I understand that you are hurting and all of this pain gets projected onto me.  I know you don’t mean it.”  I really do mean these things when I am saying them but really people how much can a person take?  I should be giving them warning right?  “Hey just so you know,  I can take a lot of shit but this thing happens where I will wake up one day and I never no when it will happen and I won’t be able to take your shit anymore.  Just so you know, you have been warned.”  I seriously need help in the relationship area.  It’s catastrophic.

5. What would I like more of?  Peace, contentment and security.  Oh, and a little beauty thrown in every once in awhile.
Have a great day!!

4 Things Tuesday


1.  I meditated three times yesterday.  3 minutes each time.  I did this the three times I went to the bathroom at work yesterday. After peeing and washing my hands I sat down on the dirty floor and set the timer on my phone for three minutes and then just breathed.  It’s a start.

2.  I am trying to just let life unfold and see what happens.  I push a lot and I am ok with that sometimes but I also think I push to much.  I want to practice just allowing for awhile.  Will things really come to me if I am not fighting for them?  Can I just relax a little?

3.  Whatever you give to life it gives it back to you.  This statement scares me because just trying to think about what I am putting out into the world hurts my brain.  What am I giving to life?    I need to figure this out.

4.  Life is short and honestly I just want to enjoy it.  I want to notice all the beauty and wonder of it all.  I want to savor and cherish every tiny moment of grace.  I know how blessed I am.  I have beautiful healthy kids, a wonderful family and all the nessicities to survive.  Outwardly its all good.  The stuff that is troubling is whats going on on the inside.  In my heart.   Peace is missing.  Belief in myself is missing.  My mind races from one task to the next.  Peace…..

Random


Live by example instead of preaching.

Don’t forget to pray.

Practice setting intentions for each day and then letting go of the outcomes. 

Learn how to tolerate the discomfort of others.  You are not the fixer.  Allow others to experience their own journeys even the painful ones.