Grateful 


Guys I have been praying like crazy for God to show me my purpose, to allow me to want what he wants for my life.  I have been wanting this and wanting that. Want want want… 

I was listening to a podcast this morning and something was said and it just hit me.   Maybe God has me on hold because I am not being grateful for and appreciating all the good he has ALLREADY done in my life.  I’m not ready for more good.  I have a lot to learn yet.  I have to learn to be joyful and happy now.  Now with all that I have been blessed with.  Not later… now.   

My life is by no means perfect but it is beautiful. I have a wonderful family and kids. Great friends.  An amazing church.  So many things that I take for granted.  

I’m getting it and that is enough.  A little piece here and little bit there God is showing me, working on me and that is enough. 

Have a great day!!

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3 Things Monday


1.  Church yesterday was baptism day.  It’s my favorite.  I can’t properly explain what it does to my heart to see these people make the decision to be baptized.  It’s glorious and it fills me with such hope and happiness. 

2.  Have you ever just stopped and asked yourself what matters to me?  What do I value?  What does my ideal life look like in my mind?

3.  Just because you think it, doesn’t mean it’s true.  Examine your thoughts especially the ones that bring you down.
Happy Monday!

2 Things Thursday


1. Smile Breathe and go slowly – Thich Nhat Hanh 

Great advise.  This is how I am going to go through my day today.

2.  

I am about 93% done with this book and all I can say is run as fast as you can and buy it right now.  I have laughed out loud so hard reading this book.  It is hilarious and tender and smart.   I love love love it with all my heart.

Have a great day!

5 Things Wednesday

1.  Guys, how about if being flawed is wonderfully ok?  Isn’t that at an amazing thing to ponder?  I spend so much time looking at all the ways that I am not perfect but ignore all the wonderful things that I am and that I have accomplished.  I work my tooshy off being a single mom, owning a home, having a job and trying to navigate life.  It’s not easy.  I’m tired but I am also doing it.  It’s not perfect but it’s working out just fine.

2.  Also…do you ever beat yourself up for saying something really stupid?  I do.  Sometimes the craziest shit just spews right off the vocal cords.  I say it and then I am immediately like what the hell is wrong with you?  Where did that dumb shit come from?  Then….I will think about it for a really long time and at the most inappropriate times, like from 3-5am.  Not good.  Then this dawned on me.  Have I ever been around someone else that has had the same problem, where their vocal cords take control and something really dumb comes out?  Yes I have.  Guess what?  How long did I spend thinking about it?  About 15 seconds.  I don’t have time to be thinking about their accidental dumb thing said because I am too busy thinking about my own shit.  So if I am correct here then no one is thinking about the stupid thing I said 3 months ago because they are also thinking about their own shit.  This means that I can stop ruminating about these moments now.  No one cares.  Thank God.

3. Listen to your inner voice.  I hear this a lot.  I read this a lot.  I am not sure I trust my inner voice.  It changes its mind on a dime.  Very frustrating.  This feels right, do this, say this , go here ect…  The next day:  this doesn’t feel right, that was a bad idea, why did you do that?  I am not sure that I am hearing the right inner voice.  How do people know?  Is it my ego?  I can be very impulsive.  I think I have two inner voices, the impulsive one and the real one.  The impulsive one is a pain in my ass.

4. Examine what you tolerate.  I believe that I tolerate a lot.  I can put up with a lot of bullshit for a long time and then bam out of no where one day I will just be like.  DONE.  No warning or anything.  It’s over.  I am not doing this anymore.  This can be excruciating for the other person because they are so used to you being like, “oh, it’s ok that you that you treat me like a piece of shit.  I understand that you are hurting and all of this pain gets projected onto me.  I know you don’t mean it.”  I really do mean these things when I am saying them but really people how much can a person take?  I should be giving them warning right?  “Hey just so you know,  I can take a lot of shit but this thing happens where I will wake up one day and I never no when it will happen and I won’t be able to take your shit anymore.  Just so you know, you have been warned.”  I seriously need help in the relationship area.  It’s catastrophic.

5. What would I like more of?  Peace, contentment and security.  Oh, and a little beauty thrown in every once in awhile.
Have a great day!!

3 Things Monday

1.  I’m a wreck.  I’m exhausted, stressed, and worn out in every area of my life.  

  • Emotionally
  • Physically
  • Relationships
  • Work
  • Spiritually

I dont know where to begin in getting my shit together but I am thankful that I am aware enough to know that I need to.  

2. My mom is sick.  She has Alzheimer’s and watching her go through this has humbled me and scared me in ways I never thought possible.

3. I’m 46 and single and all I can say about that is that when it comes to men I have absolutley no idea what I’m doing.  I attract the wrong type of men and then I try to fix them and save them and turn them into exactly what I think they should be.  For the love of God, this is at the top of the list.  No more saving or trying to fix anyone.  I have to fix me, work on me and basically all I can do for them is pray for them.

Happy Eclipse Day!!

April 3

Random thoughts:

Hold yourself accountable for your life

Be focused on what you WANT not what you  don’t 

Learn to speak to your self with love

Learn how to properly relax

Work on making your home your haven