Some More


My anxiety has been at the for front of my life for so long.  I can’t remeber living any other way at this point.   Most of my life I have felt sorry for the people that have loved me.  It’s not easy loving someone that has anxiety attacks.  It’s hard to go for a nice relaxing drive with someone when they are on the verge of a panic attack thinking about if their will be a bridge, road construction or a traffic jam on the interstate.  Those things make me anxious.  It’s hard for me to relax.  When I was married I always felt like I was holding my husband back from enjoying his life the way he wanted because mine was so constricted and if I am honest I was.  I know that he loved me but I also know he longed for a different kind of life that was filled with trips and adventure.  I felt sorry for him for having to be married to me.  I’m single now and I am happy but I have gone through two pretty difficult relationships since my divorce.  I could hear my inner dialogue telling me this is good enough.  This guy is just as broken as you if not more so it’s ok.  This is the type of person you should be with.  I am not saying these guys were bad people they just had a whole bunch of their own issues.  It seemed like a level playing field.  

As I read that it breaks my heart.  They deserve better and so do I.  

Can a person with panic and anxiety be truly loved?   Can you share your life with someone when you have panic and anxiety?  How do you be ok with placing that kind of burden on someone else’s life as you become a couple?

I dont ever want to be responsible for someone else’s unhappiness.  I dont ever want my anxiety problems to hold someone else back.  

Life is hard.  Life is beautiful.

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